Chapter 6. The Ectopic

(read 'Let's Try Clomid' before reading this part to get the full story)

The recovery after my Methotrexate shot was really hard. They prepare you for all the side effects, but you truly don't know until you live it how your body will react.

For me, the two weeks after getting treated I was extremely tired, dizzy, and nauseous. And on top of that, I was not eating normal because nothing sounded good. Getting up from laying or sitting I'd have to catch myself and pause for a few moments.

I remember one morning I got up to go to the bathroom, and I paused at the bathroom doorway. Dillon noticed me standing there, and asked "what are you doing", and quickly jumped out of bed to catch me before I hit the ground. Can we just take a moment to appreciate his amazing instinct and cat-like reflexes?! All jokes aside, I'm so lucky.

I finally reached out to my Dr. because I had been nauseous and avoiding certain foods for a while, so she prescribed me zofran, which was a huge help!

The time after my treatment, they determined by a few more blood tests that I would not need second dose of methotrexate. If your HCG goes down by 15% or more, then they know it's progressing as it should. I was so relieved, because with how exhausted I was with my first dose, I was dreading potentially getting a second.

By the start of the third week after treatment, I was starting to feel more normal, and thank goodness I was because I had my first work trip lined up. I was so excited to start traveling for work, and get all of these new experiences under my belt. I packed more than I'd possibly need in the four days I'd be gone, and left early in the morning to spend the week in Minneapolis.

The first two days of my trip went amazing, I was really enjoying it and pinching myself that I get to do that for my job. While the ectopic was still very fresh in my mind, It felt so good to travel and do something different.

The third day came, and I got ready to head into my next branch and meet more people. It was pouring rain that day, and I decided to walk four blocks rather than get lost in the tunnel system. I power walked with my umbrella and rain coat to the office, and made my way up the elevator. Everything was normal.

I got settled in an empty office inside, and starting taking in the cloudy views from the 29th floor of downtown Minneapolis. Again, pinching myself that I get to do this for my job.

All of a sudden though, I got a stomach ache. Now this isn't out of the ordinary for me, because my stomach reacts weirdly to some foods, so I figured it was maybe something I had eaten the night before. I waited it out in the bathroom.

Thirty minutes go by, and my stomach feels no better. I decided it was better safe than sorry, and that I should head back to my hotel to see if this passes.

I cancelled my few meetings I had setup, and swung by to let the manager know I was feeling ill. And of course, I left my Advil and other pain medications in my rental car, which was four blocks away.

I get down to the lobby of the building, and call my husband. Poor guy, ever since he became and EMT, I ask him questions like he's a Doctor. I wasn't sure if it was something I should be worried about or what to even do. During that short phone call though, I became really suddenly nauseous and knew I was about to throw up.

I quickly hung up the phone and looked around for the nearest bathroom. There was nothing in sight. I walked up to the security guard, and could barely get the words "where is the nearest bathroom" out before throwing up all over the floor. Classic me, I apologized to him and told him I could help clean it up.

Who was I kidding, I was in no shape to do that, and he kindly walked me to the elevator because the bathrooms are on each of the floors. He ended up sending me up to a vacant floor. Great I thought, so if I die, no one will find me on the vacant floor. As soon as the elevator door closed though, I threw up two more times, and thank goodness no one was in there with me.

By the time I made it up to the 17th floor, I was bracing myself against the wall and walking, just trying to find the bathroom. Finally I found it, and of course at this point I was done being sick. I sat on the floor for an hour and a half, just hoping and praying that this was a weird stomach bug.

I started feeling less sick, but when I felt my stomach, it was extremely tender to touch and bloated. This was very concerning, and made me realized I needed to get out of there as soon as I could stand.

I gathered myself again, and got to a somewhat comfortable standing position. I headed down to the lobby and debated whether I should inform the security guard all of the places I threw up, because none of them were in the toilet, oops! I decided to cut my losses for the day, and sneak out (sorry cleaning crew).

I got outside and it was still raining. But the fresh air felt so good, and gave me a little glimmer of hope that it was just a stomach bug. I walked back to my car and headed to my next hotel where they let me check-in early. I did consider before leaving the office if I should get an ambulance, but then I felt like I was being dramatic and that I could walk it off just fine.

I checked in to my hotel, and was barely able to get my luggage out of my car. I immediately got in bed and tried to sleep it off.

Two hours go by though, and eating snacks and resting did not make any difference. This is when I reached out to my Dr. back home to see if I should be going in to the ER. I was on hold for 30 minutes just to speak to a nurse, and at that point, they wanted my actual Dr. and nurse to call me back instead since they knew my case best.

I couldn't wait any longer, and so I googled the closest urgent care and ER, and drove myself in. I got checked in there, and they took me back to a room for triage. My pulse was high, but mostly because I was nervous that something serious was happening. They took this as a sign that I needed an EKG though. Great.

I got the EKG, and they drew my blood right after so we could get the labs processed. They said the bloodwork would take an hour to process, so I'd have to wait in the lobby until a room opened up in the back. I was being admitted to the ER because of what symptoms I was experiencing.

I waited two and half hours in the waiting room. Crouched over on a small bench, afraid to move, but not in enough pain to scream or anything. I gingerly got up to go to the restroom, and experienced a lot of pain with urinating. My nurse back home called me during this time to check in, and I told her I was currently at the ER.

I finally got called back to a room, and I was walking pretty slow at this point. It was really hard to stand up straight and breath normally.

The nurse got me comfortable in my room, and did all of the preliminary things she needed to do. The Dr. came in and evaluated me and said my EKG was completely normal, and so were the blood results. They had to draw more blood to check my HCG, and she was concerned of a potential blood clot in my lungs because I had mentioned I was having a difficult time breathing.

I waited around a while longer, and then someone came to get me for a CT of my abdomen.

She plopped me in a wheelchair, and whisped me down the hall. I somehow had to get on the bed myself and lay down, but this was challenging with my stomach pain. It took maybe two minutes to complete the scan, and then we got back to my room. It would take another hour to get those results back.

In the waiting period, I got poked many more times and many more blood tests were ordered. At this point I had two IV's which I hated getting.

My CT came back showing fluid in the abdomen, and at that point they had a lot of evidence that I was indeed experiencing a ruptured ectopic. I just couldn't believe it, especially after being treated for it appropriately earlier in the month.

I had Dillon on speaker phone for a while because I wanted him to hear everything they were telling me. The Dr. and on call OB/GYN came in and told me they were 99% sure I was going to need surgery, and they were getting ready to transfer me over to a larger hospital for that. He assured me that I will be okay, and that I would recover just fine from this.

I honestly don't think I even comprehended what was happening, but when they said I needed emergency surgery, all I wanted to do was be put under and have it done as soon as possible. I didn't want to wait one more minute in pain.

The paramedics arrived, and gave me the most special treatment. They told me they were instructed to take me over with lights and sirens, but with my pain level only being at a six and my blood pressure being so good, they decided it wasn't necessary and it would only freak me out.

They wheeled me out, and off we went to the hospital. They joked the whole way and helped make an incredibly scary situation, much less scary.

We arrived at the hospital 15 minutes later, and they wheeled me into my room. I was told I would go right into surgery, but once I got there I was still doing so well they decided to confirm everything first with an ultrasound.

I was evaluated again, and I had the greatest OB/GYN who stayed close by in case I had questions. My one request was that they keep in touch with my husband and kept him updated because I hadn't been on my phone since leaving the other ER.

I got poked another time and had three IV's at this point. Again, I hate those.

I waited a while longer before getting an ultrasound to confirm what we already knew. They wanted to see which side was ruptured if possible and the extent of the damage. The ultrasound tech wheeled in her cart, and got started.

It was okay at the beginning, but she made me lay with my hips higher than my shoulders, and suddenly ALL of the pain went shooting to my shoulders. That was the scariest moment because I could not breath. I have never experienced anything like that before, and thank god the nurse did something because I think I scared the ultrasound tech so much she was paralyzed.

They took Wanda out (yes, in the infertility world we refer to the ultrasound wand as Wanda, again you have to make humor out of these struggles) and propped my bed up to a seated position. I gasped for air. Truly nothing scarier than not being able to breath.

I took deep breaths and recovered for a few minutes, and my nurse gave me some more pain medication now that I was experiencing a lot more pain. A common symptom of a ruptured ectopic is actually horrible pain in your shoulders, which I hadn't experienced before that day.

Unfortunately, they were not finished with the ultrasound though, and had to stick Wanda back in for a few more images. I got through it, and was at this point just tired of waiting. I knew I was about to get an emergency surgery and I just wanted to be put under already and done.

The results of the ultrasound took a while to get back of course, but they did confirm that my left fallopian tube was ruptured, with blood in my abdomen. They prepared me for surgery and kept my husband in the loop.

At the time, he was actually on shift and once he told a co-worker what was going on, they told him to start driving and to get out of there! He made his way to Minneapolis and drove through the night to be there with me. The nurse and Dr. called him periodically and kept him updated on how things were going, which helped him relay the messages to my parents as well.

The last text my mom had gotten from me was around 6pm that night while I was still in the first ER being assessed. No wonder they couldn't sleep that night! Sorry mom and dad :)

I went into surgery, and I remember breathing into the mask to be put to sleep. Next thing I know, I'm waking up to the sight of Dillon walking into the recovery room, and I'll never forget it. It warms my heart still, just thinking of the perfect timing that he arrived. He drove five hours to get there, and got there right in time for me to open my eyes.

They started to get me ready for discharge because all my post-op labs and vitals were looking good. I don't remember being in much pain, but I was so happy it was over. I noticed a fourth IV after waking up, I barely had any veins left to be poked!

They informed us they had to remove my left fallopian tube because the damage was too bad to try and repair, and that is extremely common. I knew going into this it was very likely I'd come out of it with only one tube, but I knew I would struggle with that for the months ahead.

Recovering from my surgery was really tough. I couldn't even laugh for the first five or so days because it hurt so badly, but all we wanted to do was watch a funny show or movie. My sweet husband knows that humor always heals me, but I yelled at him each time he made a joke. I remember even crying once because I got mad he was still trying to make me laugh!

My healing was spent in bed and on the couch reflecting on the past two and a half years of our journey. This whole time we have been trying to get pregnant, I never imagine anything this crazy happening to us.

"At least now you know you can get pregnant" was said to me countless times after telling people my story. It stung harder each time I heard it too.

No one should ever hear "at least..." statements, they don't help with anything. Healing and facing your trauma is crucial, and by saying "at least...", it is belittling all the pain and trauma you went through.

At this point in our journey, we had many talks about how we were both so scared of actually getting pregnant again. I felt so strongly that I couldn't go through this again, and we decided our TTC journey was on hold for a while. The emotional and physical toll of an ectopic, especially after infertility, was too extreme to think about happening again.

To this day, I'm still processing all of this and hoping that some day we get our rainbow baby. I share these experiences to help in the grieving process for myself, and to also connect with other women out there who are struggling to build their family.

I can't wait to share a new and exciting chapter with you all soon, but for now, I'm relieved that I can share the full story of our ectopic pregnancy.

Thank you for always praying for us and our future family, we hear each and every one of you that do. It touches my heart that I've connected with many woman and men in sharing our struggles, and I hope to continue doing so for years to come!

Until next time,

CC.